i miss you.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

**STUPIDHER**
She's too handicapped to move, stuck in those illusions left by memories.
She's too blind to realise that the previous loving man has gone long time ago.
She's too deaf to take those hurtful, awful stuffs said by the man into heart.
She's as if she mute. Words in her heart cant seems to come out of the mouth, it was too difficult.
Her mind, heart and soul was not in place, where is it?
Her heart could only feel numbness and sourness, no longer pain
She was always not in the right frame of mind
Her soul flew.
********************************************************
A call came, a call that made her tears dropped. She knew that she's really gotta stop crying stop thinking stop making her life so damn freaking miserable. She's gonna isolate herself for every one time she cry from now onwards.
The call.
Making it short on what the call was about. He practically told XX this,
"No more means no more, no need to ask for reason or whatever. I never like to see those rubbish."
So, that was the reasons for parting the ch, removing his own xs, blocking and deleting her from Msn. Now what? She doesnt even have the rights to voice her thoughts? She never know she was such a nuisance, sorry for bothering. He had never change, still as heartless and unfeeling.
It's gonna be a long, tough way.
Move on please, girl?

LING @ 12:55 PM

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Blocking and deleting me away from your msn makes you feel better? I never know i was such a nuisance. Sorry for bothering. Im really speechless. I cant imagine i could be this stupid, never was I. Is it really time for me to just off my phone, lock in my room and hide in the wardrobe. I had enough of crying and crying, drinking till im mad. I had enough. I couldnt move. Im stuck.

Someone. please please, get me out of this helpless shit.

LING @ 11:11 AM

I knew things would happen this way from the day we conclude what is a hideous angel
Things always dont happen this way you want it to be
I understand, I just hope the best situation for everyone.
What ever happens, be it quarrels or misunderstandings, you are still my goodfren
I've said the last thing i wan to see is you being unhappy.
My words might be harsh but i dont mean it, never to you.

LING @ 9:59 AM

Those memories, they kept chasing after her, refusing to let her go.
Tears followed closely.

Yesterday was another DblO's saturday night. Initially, it seems like no one is going except for herself, girlfren and diana. But ended up like more than ten or twelve of us, but were mostly girlfren's fren. It was as usual, drinking, taking photos and dancing. "His" good friend came along too. His good friend doesnt look alike as him, they dont have any similarities but somehow related to him. I guess she was real weak, so damn freaking weak that she hate herself for being so weak. Those thoughts and misses for him seems more alcoholic than those alcohol in DblO.
***********************************************
Today.
Beep beep, beep beep. 1 message received.
Mr A: konnichiwa :) what time do you wanna meet me?
Me: (thinking, oh shit! promise to watch movie with him) Ermm, msg you later when im done with my things

After a while, beep beep, beep beep. 1 message received.
Mr B: Wan to go out later?
Me: (thinking, shit, another one) Erm. I've got many things to do, think i will finish my stuffs quite late.
Another msg came.
Mr B: It's ok. Msg me when you are done, i go and fetch you.
Me: (thinking, shit! pwned. die liao)

Later. Another msg came.
Mr C: you wanna watch movie ma?
This time, she is stressed. So, Mr C receive a most trueful answer.
Me. 3 different person ask me out on the same day. Who should i go with? Or should i just hide in the wardrobe?

The one you kept thinking will never think of you
The one you want to go out with will never ask you out
That one person will be the one that make you cry the most
Should she just off her phone, locked in the room and hide in the wardrobe?

Tears~

LING @ 12:19 AM

Friday, April 25, 2008

She wasn't as angry as they were. She felt there was a need for help to be given, but not to be return with disappointment and ended up not being appreciated.

1. Not taking pride in one's works is totally unforgivable, irresponsibility is not accepted. Chances dont come easily, once missed and will not given again.

2. Trust, it makes and breaks everything. Once trust isnt expandable, you have taken it and used it. However it was abused, don't ever expect it to come so easily again.

3. As friends, help will always be given whenever possible, but always remember we can choose not to help. So do not take it for granted.

4. Parties get you nowhere, prioritize what is important. Resist all the temptations and desires.

5. Please take off that sacade of yours, trying to be the so not "you" you. Your angelic appearances overlaps the hideous devilish side of yours.

6. Stop those aeroplanes flying in the air, it makes them sick. The planes you flew is enough for a new-built airport.

7. Never forget those people that are good to you, never be ungrateful. When people treat you as a friend, never take them as a fool, you will never know what they are capable of doing.

**MAY GOD BLESS YOU. =.-**

LING @ 4:26 PM

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

She miss you, so much that she couldnt see herself.
tears kept dropping
so much misses
the pain that lingers on her heart
the loneliness she bear
the emptied glass shell she carried
the memories that kept flashing on her mind
all the emotions and thoughts that he wouldnt know
IMISSYOU***

LING @ 11:48 AM

The message goes like this :
"Seriously if you don't want be friend i m fine with that fren what i feeling that outing on friday you are avoiding and on sunday the way you type sound so arrogant and even today you think i own you a feeling or let you take for granted? you wan everybody pamer you arh please la grow up you if youthink you not childish so be it lo even you ask do thing also aeroplane i first time try want to read dont want read not my problem. just let you know."
Hmm. Regarding this message (the above msg) sent by that special someone, i guess you will be seems as very weird by friends that know me very well. Here is afew opinions i have about the above message sent by "that special someone."
1. I don't quite understand some of the points that you said such as "i m fine with that fren", which friend?, "even today you think i own you a feeling", own me what? and "i first time try want to read dont want read not my problem. just let you know". First time what? I dont understand your english nor do i understand what you meant.
2. Think about the number of people at the outing,use your bloody fingers and toes to count, 11 of us! M i suppose to entertain everyone of you? So that's considered as avoiding?
3. If you think the way i type was arrogant on Sunday was arrogant, why not think about yourself? Go around thinking you are the king, emofying people, making people hear your grumbles. Your assumptions you thought you were always right.
4. I will admit my wrongs if it was my fault. I will never deny. I called you to apologize and said i will go meet you all asap. But i was fooled. And what's most ridiculous? You made someone admit that he didnt tell you all i was coming and not leaving me there on purpose. The things he said on my main made it so obvious that he was forced to admit. Now what? He doesnt even talks to me.
5. Your good friend. You told me the person that was your good friend, just because of a call just because a outing, you call him cheehong kia. What is the meaning of friend to you? I will never forget what you said to me that night over the phone before going to sentosa. You said "peng you shi na lai li yong de".
6. You said i made use of you and you have always thought that way right? If so, why force yourself to be my friend?
7. You like to flare and scold me right? Let me tell you, the first time i listen to all your naggings and scoldings because i felt that there was a need to explain things i couldnt things i didnt do or words i didnt said. The second time, i couldnt be bothered, i just ignored the awful things you would say for sure. It was stressful and redundant talking to you. I aint here to let you scold, they aint there to let you scold either. If not for the values you have, would they bear with you?
8. You think i thought that everyones pampers me? Please! If everyone really pampers me, it's my problem, not yours! And nobody asks for you to pamper them, i bet you could only torture ppl.
9. If im childish, what are you? Trying means and ways to get the person just because so that you could scold her? Thinking that saying bye in smses and online is so cool? If you say bye then mean it. Don't keep saying bye in smses and continue scolding her online.
10. If you think you are a grown-up man, drop that thought! Please! A grown-up man wouldn't say those irrational, awful things to a girl. You kept saying you are a reasonable person. A reasonable person will not blahblahblah non-stop till he happy then let the person speak.
Forget it! No matter how much i blog is pointless, you are that lil boy that thinks highly of himself, thinking you are always right.
I know you hate me if you see this post. But my mummy says i shouldnt lie or keep all the things to myself, so im saying it to my blog.

LING @ 11:48 AM

That is the first time i ever get scolded for making a phone call. For god's sake!! -.= Why would I want to fool you with a prank call when i wouldn't even prank ah\pink, someover you are a friend of mine. Everyone seems like people that would harm you or fool you in your thoughts. Is that really what you think?
Went to the mac garden to find girlfren and others just now, the usual gossips and laughters accompany us. No matter how much laughters there is, my mind always sway to some other thoughts that emofied me. Maybe not shown on the face, but in the heart. I felt like msging girlfren(zing) when i was walking home alone.
I typed: Hey girlfren, shall we stay single together? Then i think abt it, it sounded quite wrong. LOL. So, the msg wasnt send.
Then, this was our msn conversation after we reached home.

º-×‡.ªbйđºй.яîbž.®‡×-º°[miym,ciyl] mindsoulheart says (1:13 AM):
girlfren
°º-×‡.ªbйđºй.яîbž.®‡×-º°[miym,ciyl] mindsoulheart says (1:13 AM):
shall we stay single tgt?
zing. says (1:14 AM):
i single for so long already
zing. says (1:14 AM):
makes no difference.
zing. says (1:14 AM):
lols
°º-×‡.ªbйđºй.яîbž.®‡×-º°[miym,ciyl] mindsoulheart says (1:14 AM):
lols
°º-×‡.ªbйđºй.яîbž.®‡×-º°[miym,ciyl] mindsoulheart says (1:14 AM):
cant you say tht for me you will stay single
°º-×‡.ªbйđºй.яîbž.®‡×-º°[miym,ciyl] mindsoulheart says (1:14 AM):
LOL im crazy
zing. says (1:15 AM):
HAHAHHAS CANNOT PROMISE YOU THIS!
zing. says (1:15 AM):
WHAT IF ONE DAY **** COMES BACK
zing. says (1:15 AM):
LOLS!
°º-×‡.ªbйđºй.яîbž.®‡×-º°[miym,ciyl] mindsoulheart says (1:16 AM):
lols. i will wish you twoo happiness and kick you out of the lao chu nv's club!

Girlfren was my primary school friend, i know her when i was pri 1!. Amazing right?!?! Once, she msg me she was at the riverside with her friend and was feeling very down. I was with him, i didn't go down to accompany her, actually i feel very bad. She accompanied me through my very sad days.
**I PROMISED NEVER TO LEAVE YOU BY THE RIVERSIDE FEELING DOWN ANYMORE!**

I was at the traffic light, nobody is gonna hold her hands and cross the road anymore. Sigh, she has turned an empty shell. Not a hard and strong shell like that of a crab or tortoise, it was a fragile shell made of glass that breaks easily and tears flow out.
She ***** him lot and she refused to move on, she realised that.

LING @ 10:17 AM

Monday, April 21, 2008

Finally passed my basic theory, though many said it was easy, it seems far away from me. But now, it's time to proceed to another stage. I registered for the PDL as well, which took me more than one hour to queue for it. I went home iimmediately after that, my back pain started. It's was sick, came to me always when i have not enough rest. I lied flat on the bed and slept till 9.10pm. Laughs Out Loud** So im wondering how m i gonna slp tonight. Iwas so happy when i saw the word PASSED on the screen. I went out of the room, took a Q number from the counter. I wanted to share this happy feeling with others. The first person that came to my mind was my uncle, then girlfren. Suddenly, he came into my mind. I realised it wasnt possible for me to share it with him anymore.
Things in everydays life seems to always remind me of him, even a packet of maggi mee. Terrible?! ain't it?! Yesterday, or pershap most of the days, meals are eaten outside. I was so lazy to step out of the house and buy food, so maggi mee was the only choice left. When i first cooked maggi at his house, his reply was something like :
Him: Ni bu hui zhu maggi mian ar? Na li shi zhe yang zhu de!?!?!
(you cant even cook maggi? this isnt the way to cook it.)

Me: Wo yi zhi do shi zhe yang zhu de, bu rang yao zhe yang zhu?
(i've been cooking it like this for so long, if not how you want me to cook?)

Him: Fen na li ke yi xian fang, bu ke yi geng water yi qi boil.
(how can you let the flavourings boil with the water)

Me: Wo cong lai mei you ting guo zhu maggi mian zhe yang ma fan
(I've never heard of such a troublesome way to cook maggi.)

Me, him and his mother shows 3 different ways of cooking maggi mee.
My way: As long as water boils, noodle or flavourings first doesnt matter.
His way: Water to be boiled, put in noodle, then egg. Off the fire, then put in flavourings
His mother: Boiled the noodles. pour away the water in the pot. Boil the noodles with another pot of water, then add egg. Off the fire, then put in flavourings. The purpose of pouring away the first pot of water is because the noodles was said to be waxed.

Now, i've used back the way i used to cook maggi mee. It doesn't matter anymore. does it?

LING @ 7:14 AM

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I guess im proven wrong again with my perception again. Disappointment visit me always, getting used to it is a must. Alright, pointless to kept brooding about that.
Ohhya, yesterday was Gwendolyn's birthday. We were at DblO, as usual on a saturday night. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GWENDOLYN!:):):):):)

LING @ 4:43 AM

Friday, April 18, 2008

Finally, i felt like a normal human again today. Its been so long since i woke up so early and what's more surprising is that i actually went swimming, tanning. LOL. The sun was great, I love it. I was near the stairs of the medium pool when i saw this cute lil toddler and his mother (assuming it was a baby boy). His mother was supporting him with her hands. After that, i didnt see them till i swam to the other side of the pool like maybe half an hour later. This time, the father was with them too. They were ready to leave in anytime, all dressed. Then, the daddy took out a comb from the bag, sat beside his wife and started combing her hair. On one hand, I was quite surprised to see that. On another hand, it reminds me of him. The first time he came to me with a comb after i bathed, i thought he just want me to comb my hair, but instead he combed my hair for me. It's really sweet for a guy to do so, especially when he was someone special. He wasn't a romantic person, but the lil things he would do in everyday life would touch one's heart.
***iwouldratherloveyounowandregretlater,
thentoregretlaterfornotlovingyou***
***ihaveneverregretlovingyou, thoughithurts***

LING @ 11:26 PM

#kdlo outing to cityhall today. The roof terrace at the top of esplanade mall was where we went after dinner. I saw a few new faces, faris/ herman's friends. The photo on top was what we took today. Entering the roof make me had some thoughts. It was obvious what kind of crowds the roof terrace would attracts, it was either big groups of friends, couples or couples-to-be.
The first couple i saw was dressed very nicely, in fact they looked like they were going straight to DXO after the "sight-seeing" at esplanade. Here comes my first thought, my type of guy WILL NOT BE:
1. wearing so nicely on purpose just because it's a date with the girl he fancies.
2. wearing long sleeves shirt and pants instead of tshirt and berms and still looking good.
3. putting any gel or wax on his hair (that's so uncool! i love the way him and his hair will be)
And then, I saw many couples, those very young ones! Please dont mistaken me! I mean im super young too, but they are like 15,16 or 17 (if were to judge by how they dress and behave). It reminds me of times when i was that age too. My 2nd thought : Going on dates with that cute lil boyfriend was like going to heaven (abit exaggerating. LOL) I meant it was simple, innocent and most importantly harmless. With all the sweet nothings, it makes the cute lil couple happier than scoring the top in class. Even the broke up was not a big damage, wounds heals easily,even scars would fade. Maybe just abit of tears and everything is over! But now, it ain't the same. Growing up seems to make reality cruel by AAAAALLLLOOOOOOTTT. That simple, sweet, harmless innocent lil loving game turned into a abandoning hurting truth. It wasnt the way it was as before anymore. It turned into a hurting, disappointing, damaging part of life. Oh my god, i couldnt imagine it was actually known to be part of life??!?!!
***ihaveneverblameyou,iunderstooditwaspartoflife,
trustme,cosihaveneverlietoyou***
***Was it you that i still loved so much or was it me that refused to move on***

LING @ 1:51 PM